To Get Unstuck,
you have to do the work. What exactly is 'the work'?
Through the Get Unstuck program, we will apply ourselves to weekly homework assignments that make up ‘the work’. Doing the work means being willing to confront the past, in order to better understand and make sense of it so we can finally let it go.
Before committing to doing the work, it is imperative that each participant understands how challenging this work can be. This is emotional work and it’s important for you to know that this type of work will affect you.
You will have to look back on your life story and willingly revisit some of the most difficult experiences you have been through. For some, this might be straight-forward and matter-of-fact. For others, this might be shocking and painful. It is possible that you will open pandora’s box and suddenly start to remember things that were previously locked away. It is possible that you will get started and then realize you need to take a break. Everyone’s process will be very different. What matters is that you use this opportunity to gain the knowledge, tools and support required to get started.
This is your work and your individual journey. You are in charge of your own pace of recovery. We respect that each individual will process emotions in their own way, within their own time and capacity. This program exists so that you have the opportunity to do the work with others, while being connected to professionals who can help walk you through the process and answer questions.
The 8-week program will provide you will all the knowledge you need to get started with the work, as well as tools and support to help you cope throughout the process. It is highly likely that you won’t be in a position to process everything or finish each homework assignment and that is absolutely OK! The work is an ongoing process. We don’t expect you to finish everything we start together. Instead, we are here to provide you with a framework and sense of connection so you can get started and then continue to do this work on your own (with your own support group).
We believe there is great power in having access to connection while navigating this emotionally challenging process. All too often, this type of personal work is done alone, or one-on-one with a therapist, which doesn’t provide the opportunity to feel seen, heard and aligned with others who are similarly struggling. It isn’t until we hear our peers naming the things we’re thinking and feeling that we realize we’re not alone. Knowing we are connected to people who ‘get it’ and who support us makes the work all the more manageable and worthwhile.
Before committing to doing the work, please review the following and ask yourself whether you have the emotional capacity to take this on here and now. Consider your current responsibilities and workload. We recommend doing the work at a time where you don’t have too much on your plate. We also recommend working with a therapist, if that’s available to you, as they will be able to provide extra support and help you work through what comes up as you dig through the past.
If your habit change is related to addiction and you are currently using or have recently been using, please be aware that we do not recommend you take this program until you feel strong enough to avoid numbing out or running from difficult feelings that will arise. If you are not able to sit through discomfort without falling into old habits, you may risk backtracking on your progress.
Below, please find a few notes on what the work will look like. Get Unstuck takes a holistic approach to recovery, combining traditional clinical methodologies, including some of the 12 Steps, with mindfulness, breathwork, and spiritual knowledge to heal old wounds and build a life that fully expresses the resilience within you.
The Work
Take Inventory of The Past
This is the core of the work. You will go back and take inventory of all the things that were done unto you or that you did unto others that may remain unresolved and that cause you to unknowingly carry feelings of shame or pain. This work relates to Step 4 in AA.
Examine Character Defects
Some might call these our ‘shadow qualities’ or personal ‘flaws’. It can be hard to admit to our character defects because we see them as signs of weakness, but the truth is that these traits come from habits you created in order to survive. It is important to examine these so you can acknowledge that they are not your fault and bring them to the surface where you can do something about them. This work relates to Step 6 and Step 7.
Make Amends
This is one of the most powerful steps in letting go and moving forward. While we do not force anyone to confront others to make amends, we will encourage you to communicate (in writing, or to a friend) what you want to say to the person or people you feel you need to make amends to. This relates to Steps 8 and 9.
Give Back
This relates to the 12th Step which asks us to give back and share whatever we’ve gained from this process. What’s beautiful about doing the work is that we all gain from it in different ways. However this process has worked for you, if you’ve had lightbulb moments or shifts in perspective or if some part of these practices has brought you true joy, whatever it is you’ve been given, then you get to give it away and share it with others.
Maintain Efforts Towards Doing The Work
This step is necessary in that it helps us to keep things cleaned up as we move forward. We do all this work to create change but if we don’t learn to maintain it, there’s no question it will slowly but surely go back to exactly how it was before. This relates to Step 10 which encourages us to make a commitment to keep things cleaned up and to continue cleaning them up as we go.
Sit Through the Discomfort
The truth is that our brains developed our habits as a means of coping and avoiding pain. These habits served us well and protected us by numbing out our pain or by distracting us from our emotions. The problem is that this coping mechanism causes us to suppress our feelings, which doesn’t allow for processing or dealing with them. Now, we must learn to sit through the discomfort these feelings bring forward, so that we can allow them to pass through us. When we confront and deal with our emotions, we’re able to let them go and move forward.
Practice Breathwork and Meditation
We need to repeatedly flex these muscles in order to build on our progress and gain from them. In the beginning, these practices may feel impossible but the truth is that every single person out there, no matter what they’ve been through or how they are ‘wired’, is capable of quieting the mind through breathwork and meditation. It takes time and practice but the return on investment is highly worthwhile.
Practice Checking-in and Grounding Regularly
All too often, we completely forget to check-in and ask ourselves: “How am I feeling right now?” Society has taught us to remain on-the-go and to blindly push forward, but this seldom serves us well. Making time to connect with and ground ourselves on the regular allows us to slow down and tune in with our needs.
Practice Noticing and Redirecting
When we stop numbing and distracting ourselves, we gain the ability to notice what we are thinking and feeling more. Once we’re able to notice, we have the opportunity to address or redirect anything that doesn’t serve us well. Neuroplasticity makes it possible for us to change these patterns we notice, but we must make continuous efforts to repave our existing neural pathways by practicing the act of redirecting to new ways of responding.
Keep Your Nervous System Calm
Most of us have developed a habit of only trying to calm our nervous system after it gets overwhelmed. When in fact, it would serve us far better if we made continuous efforts to calm our nervous system so it doesn’t get to the point of overwhelm. Practicing this type of self-care is the perfect excuse for you to make time for yourself, whether by taking a bath, or going for a walk in nature, or meditating, or getting a massage. It is important and necessary for us to be selfish in these ways. Tending to our needs gives us the ability to have the capacity to tend to others’ needs. Put your mask on first.
Practice Self-Compassion and Joy
No more blame and shame. You will come to recognize whether you have developed a habit of beating yourself up or talking down to yourself, and you will learn that this hinders our ability to move forward. Instead, we must practice self-compassion and be kind towards ourselves as we navigate our way through this challenging process. The goal here is to feel good. We do this by being kind to ourselves and by making time to practice joy. Joy isn’t something we always think to practice, but if we want to build lifestyles where we tap into joy more regularly, we must learn to make time and create space for these things that elevate our spirit.
Build Habits and Rituals That Serve You Well and Commit to Practicing Them
Together we will do the work to uncover what habits and rituals serve us well. Each individual will have different situations and needs, therefore the work consists of doing the detective work to figure out what works for us and what doesn’t. Once we know what serves us well, the work comes down to committing to repeating these new patterns so they become ingrained and eventually happen on their own.
Come Out of Isolation and Reach Out for Support
You cannot do this alone. You’ve likely already tried changing bad habits on our own, and you wouldn’t be here if that method worked! Now we must make an effort to try something different. This is an opportunity to connect with people who are similarly struggling and reach out so we can support one another through this process.
Show Up for Yourself and Pick Yourself up When You Fall Down
No one is going to save you. While those words may seem harsh, they are an important reality check. Many of us don’t realize that we are waiting for the right opportunity or the right person to come along and cause us to create change in our lives. The unfortunate truth is that no one can change you. Only you can help yourself.
Uncover the Stories We Tell Ourselves and Decipher What's Yours
Throughout the program, we will learn about false impressions and they ways in which they shape who we think we are. The experiences we live through impose impressions, stories, views, beliefs, expectations, and more on us. Some will resonate with who we truly are as individuals, but the work will reveal that many of these are not aligned with who we are at our core. Doing the work to decipher what’s ours and what isn’t is a beautiful, forever unraveling process.